Monday, July 30, 2007

Jack's Muslim Jokes Part 2

2 comments:

Jack's Jokes said...

Muslims Gone 2 Hell:
An Old Joke Adjusted and Amended By: JACK

A typical judgment day in hell, the lines are long, filled with ass wipe useless Muslim Terrorist seeking there promised eternity for Jihad.

Today has one of the more prominent MUSLIM Assholes, Osama bin Laden.
He is met by the ‘Profit Mohammed.’
Osama says, “Oh great one, oh profit I served you well, where am I?”
Mohammed answers and says, “You are in HELL, sentenced to a life of misery and tortuous pain and torment.”
Osama says, “But how did I get here, why is there such a long line of my MUSLIM brothers here as well? Where is our promise of purity, where are my virgins?”
Mohammed says, “You are dead, along with all your followers, hunted down and eradicated for the vermin you were. Killed by the mightiest of God’s soldiers, The United States Marines.”
Osama utters, “But, but what … why are you here?”
Mohammed replies, “Look you fucking idiot, I am and always have been an ‘Agent’ of the DEVIL. Arabs, as a race, were picked to start the MUSLIM so-called religion, a religion of the devil, because you have shit for brains and are easily led to the slaughter like the goats you fuck behind the tents.”

"Suddenly the DEVIL himself appears, and asks Mohammed, “What’s holding up this line of MUSLIMS?”
Mohammed replies, “Oh lord of darkness, I don't know what to do here, I have the dumbest of all dumb blind followers, Osama bin Laden."
The ‘Devil’ says, Mohammed, go back to recruiting more ass wipes for my eternal fires of hell, I will handle this goat fucking abuser myself.”

The ‘Devil’ says, “I want you to know because you recruited so many blind idiot useless followers for me, I will give you a chance to serve me properly.”
Osama sorrowing agrees.
The Devil says, "You are on my worst list, but I have no room for you at the real bottomless pits of hell. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."
Osama agrees.
So the Devil and Osama bin Laden walk down this endless hall for days, and all Osama can here are screams of pain, suffering and torment from the enslaved MUSLIMS who have come before him he recruited.
Finally they arrive at a door …
The ‘Devil’ opens the door and there is the Reverend Jesse Jackson who is giving rectal exams with his tongue to CATS. Such was his fate in hell.
“Well would you like this job?” asks the Devil.
Osama says, “No thank you, I tried to eat a pussy once but it scratched my face, I’ll pass on this job oh master of darkness.”

So the devil led him to the second door. In the room was Senator Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Kennedy kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dove in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.
"No," Osama said. "I don't think so. I'm a poor swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all day long."

The devil led him to the third door at the next room. In the room was Al Gore with a sledgehammer and a room full of granite rocks. All Al did was swing that damn hammer, all night and all day.
"No, I've got this problem with a bad back from living in musty caves. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented Osama.

The devil opened the fourth door and inside was Dick Cheney. Cheney was getting constant enemas from raw unprocessed crude oil. They were being administered by Martha Stewart. “Well what do you think Osama?” asks the devil. Osama says, “Well the smell is familiar, like Camel Dung and Donkey Piss, but can I see the last door master?”

The devil agrees and opens a fifth and final door. Through it, Osama saw Bill Clinton, lying on the floor with his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, face, tits, and mouth full of cum, just doing what she does best.

Osama looked at this in shocked and disbelief, he finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this. Please master of darkness and evil, give this job!"

The devil smiled and said …
"OK, Monica, you're free to go."

Jack's Funny Muslim Song Titles said...

The Top 21 Songs About Osama bin Laden:
As Added To and Adjusted By: JACK
21. Bomb Drops Keep Fallin' on my Head
20. Ain't No Mountain High Enough, or With Enough Caves
19. Taliban on the Run
18. Jalalabad Moon Risin'
17. Fifty Ways to Leave Your Bunker
16. Fiddler on the Roof or If I Were a Young Man I’d Be Reborn a Christian
15. Freebeard
14. Allah Said Knock You Out
13. Jackass the Movie Now Jackass the Song
12. Just Twisting the Night Away to Avoid the Bombs Dropping My Way
11. The Goatest Love of All
10. Don't Cry for Me, Al Qaeda
9. Cheney's Got a Gun
8. Meet'yer Mak'er
7. She Wore a Yellow Burka
6. Grandmullah Got Run Over By a Reindeer
5. (Shittin' in the) Back of the Cave
4 Pretty Fly for a Soon-to-be Dead Guy
3. The Night They Drove Ol' Dickhead Down
2. He Ain't Heavy, Which Is Good Because Someone's Going to Have to Carry His Lifeless Body a Substantial Distance

and the Number 1 Song About Osama bin Laden...
I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus (So I Cut Off Her Hands, and Publicly Stoned Her to Death)