Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Jack's Muslim Jokes Part 6


Kill Them All Now said...

How To PISS OFF A Muslim in 10 Easy Steps:
Another Great One By: JACK

(1) Set that bird nest on fire covering his face, he calls a beard.
(2) Steal that RAG on top of his head.
(3) Rip that Veil off his woman’s face showing how FUCKING Ugly she really is.
(4) Burn his Opium Trafficking Drug Poppy Fields.
(5) Steal his Camel.
(6) Substitute Pigs Lard for his sexual lubricant he uses with Goats.
(7) Pee on his Prayer Carpet.
(8) Give his Donkey a laxative.
(9) Burn his country’s flag for a change.
(10) Nuke the Grand Mosque.

Die Laughing said...

Malaysian Car Accident:

An Indian, a Chinese and a BUMI Muslim Malay were in a terrible car accident.
They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the Indian, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened.

"Well," said the Indian, "I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Chinese and the Malay and I were standing at the gates of heaven.

An Angel approached us and said that we were too young to die, and
that for a donation of $50, we could return to earth. So of course I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $50 and the next thing I knew I was back here."

"That's amazing!" said one of the doctor "But what happened to the
other two?"

"Last I saw them," replied the Indian fella, "The Chinese was bargaining over the price, and the Muslim Malay was waiting for the government to pay for
him share."

You Can't Fix Stupid said...

Muslim Cleaning and Health Tips:
Another Great Original From: JACK

Today I will act as Mr. Clean.
Here are some helpful cleaning and health tips for Muslims …
(1) Ladies to get those unwanted Cum Strains off your Burka, try soaking that cover-up cloth veil in some good old fashioned, but fresh, Camel Piss.
(2) Men to get the knots out of those birds nest, you Towel Heads call a beard try using a steel hair comb.
(3) Men to help keep those rags on your heads cleaner, stop wiping the monkey’s ass with them.
(4) Ladies to get those Camel Dung cooking stains out of your cast iron pots, simply tie the pots to a line during a sand storm.
(5) Ladies to get your son to stop fucking the Goats put some Ben Gay muscle ointment in his pants.
(6) Men to get that blood off your cock after fucking that little underage virgin girl quickly run out and stick it the Donkey’s Ass.

More cleaning and health tips later.

Pop Your Magic Twanger Froggie said...

Muslim Hen Cackle:
Another Original By: JACK

Four Muslim Girls in the Pakistan are sitting around talking:
Fatima: The western influence brings much.
Salena: Yes Fatima it does, but are we ready?
Nazima: Personally I am ready. I like the western culture, freedom, and dress.
Zarina What do you like about western influence the most Nazima?
Nazima: Dildo’s.
Zarina: What is a Dildo?
Nazima: I have brought one for each of you.
Fatima: They hum and vibrate.
Salena: Yes, they have a soothing effect.
Nazima: Place them on your private secret place like this.
Fatima: Oh Oh Oh is this what an orgasm is?
Salena: Oh wow its great, sex without a man, wow I am cuming !!
Zarina: Ohhhh my God, I am cuming also.
Salena: Long live the west and its creative technologies.
Zarina: No, long live the batteries.
Fatima: I want a divorce and bigger one of these.
Nazima: I hear white cock is better, lets move to America.
Fatima: No lets move to France we can have white cock, not wear veils, and still not bathe.
Other Girls: Yes Yes I agree, France it is … lets move now!

We're All Out Of Virgins said...

Malaysian Hell:
A Malaysian dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He goes first to the German hell and asks, “What do they do here?” He is told, “First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day.”
The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He checks out the hell for Americans as well as the Russian’s hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell. Then he comes to the Malaysian hell and finds that there is a very long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed he asks, “What do they do here?”
He is told, “First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Malaysian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day.” “But that is exactly the same as all the other countries hells so why are their so many people waiting to get in here?”
“Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the typical BUMI Malaysian Muslim Devil is a former Government servant, so he comes in late, signs the register and then goes to the canteen (cafeteria) until its time to go home and then signs out.

The Future of Islam said...

New York 2032:

A man and his son are walking through a highly built-up Manhattan when they come across an empty space and the father stops to reflect for a while.
"Imagine son," the father says, "exactly 31 years ago the great twin towers stood proudly in this area."
Intrigued by the comment the son then asks, "What were the twin towers dad?"
To which the father replies, "They were two of the largest buildings in the world and they housed many thousands of offices.... but in 2001 they were destroyed by Arabs."
The son pauses for a while and then asks, "What were Arabs dad?"

Wishes Granted said...

Ohhhh Osama:

Three guys, a Canadian, Osama Bin Laden, and Uncle Sam are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.

"I will give each of you each one wish, that's three wishes total," says the Genie.

The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also be a farmer. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada."
With a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.

Osama Bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, so that no infidels, Jews or Americans can come into our precious state."
Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' there was a huge wall around Afghanistan.

Uncle Sam (A former civil engineer), asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall."
The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 15,000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out, it is virtually impenetrable."

Uncle Sam says, "Oh, Ok then fill it with water!

Anonymous said...

Lets just say that you rag heads have your damn turbines on to tight.

Welfare was created by the stinking worthless liberals in America. So you sand niggers get a job, speak English or get out of my country!

God, Islam, et al said...

Osama (UBL) and the Pearly Gates:
After getting nailed by a Daisy Cutter, Osama bin Laden makes his way to the pearly gates. There, he is greeted by George Washington. "How dare you attack the nation I helped conceive!" yells Mr. Washington, slapping Osama in the face.

Patrick Henry comes up from behind. "You wanted to end the Americans'
liberty, so they gave you death!" Henry punches Osama in the nose.

James Madison comes up next, and says, "This is why I allowed the Federal government to provide for the common defense!"
He drops a large weight on Osama's knee.

Osama is then caned by John Randolph of Roanoke and soundly thrashed by James Monroe, Robert E. Lee, Stonewall Jackson, and 65 other men who love liberty and America. As he roles around on the ground screaming for mercy, Thomas Jefferson picks him up, kick him in his pathetic little penis and hurls him back toward the gates, where he is to be judged.

As Osama awaits the ferry to take him to his final, very hot destination, he screams, "Allah! This is not what I was promised!"

An angel replies, "I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for
you, dumb ass! What did you think I said?"

Typical Muslim said...

A Muslim Sheep Story:

A Muslim man named Mohammed buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool. After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and calls a vet for help. The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.
The guy doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will lie down and wallow in the grass.
The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep. So, he loads the sheep into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back, and goes to bed.
The next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the truck again. He drives them out to the woods bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back, and goes to bed.
The next morning he wakes to find the sheep still just standing around. One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day fucking the sheep and upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.
The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the sheep. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the sheep are lying in the grass.
"No," she says, "They're all in the truck and one of them is honking the damn horn. Now Mohammed get your worthless lazy ass out of bed and go fuck them there sheep like a good little beastie loser you are."