Muslim Talk: Another Original By: JACK Three Muslims in the USA are sitting around talking: Mohammed: I’m bored lets go blow up a bus full of Jews. Abdullah: Mohammed are you crazy, we’re in America now. Anwar: How about we crucify a Christian. Abdullah: Anwar are you crazy, we’re in America now. Mohammed: Ok then Abdullah what should we do? Abdullah: Lets go downtown and chase the pigeons. Anwar: And, he says we’re crazy.
Racial Profiling: To ensure we Americans never offend anyone -- particularly fanatics intent on killing us -- airport screeners are not allowed to profile people. They will, however, continue to perform random searches of 80-year-old women, little kids, airline pilots with proper identification, Secret Service agents who are members of the President's security detail, and 85-year old Congressmen with metal hips. Let's pause a moment and take the following test...
In 1972, 11 Israeli athletes were killed at the Munich Olympics by: (a) Grandma Moses; (b) The night cleaning crew at Rockefeller Center; (c) Invaders from Mars; or (d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.
In 1979, the U.S. embassy in Iran was taken over by: (a) Norwegians from the Lichen Herbarium of the University of Oslo; (b) Elvis; (c) A tour bus full of 80-year-old women; or (d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.
In 1983, the U.S. Marine barracks in Beirut was blown up by: (a) A pizza delivery boy; (b) Crazed feminists complaining that having to throw a grenade beyond its own burst radius in basic training was an unfair and sexist job requirement; (c) Geraldo Rivera making up for a slow news day; or (d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.
In 1988, Pan Am Flight 103 was bombed by: (a) Luca Brazzi, for not being given a part in "Godfather 2"; (b) The Tooth Fairy; (c) Butch and Sundance, who had a few sticks of dynamite left over from their train mission; or, (d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.
In 1993, the World Trade Center was bombed by: (a) The entire cast of "Cats"; (b) Martha Stewart; (c) Cheese-crazed tourists from Wisconsin; or (d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.
In 1998, the U.S. embassies in Kenya and Tanzania were bombed by: (a) Mr. Rogers; (b) Hillary, to distract attention from Wild Bill's women problems; (c) The World Wrestling Federation to promote its next villain: "Mustapha the Merciless"; or (d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.
On 9/11/01, four airliners were hijacked and destroyed by: (a) Bugs Bunny, Wil E. Coyote, Daffy Duck, and Elmer Fudd. (b) The US Supreme Court, (c) Barney; or (d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.
Hmmm...nope, ain't no patterns here. Darned if I know why we should ever even think about profiling.
Rude Bus Driver: A Muslim Woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver looked at the child and blurted out, "That’s the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" Infuriated, the Muslim Woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong. "The bus driver insulted me," she fumed. The man sympathized and said, "Why, he shouldn't say things to insult passengers. He could be fired for that." "You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind!" "That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."
Two Muslim Arab Terrorists are in a locker room taking a shower after their bomb making class, when one happens to notice the other man has a huge cork stuck up his ass.
"If you do not mind me saying," said the second Muslim, "that their cork looks very uncomfortable. Why don’t you take it out?" "I regret I cannot remove it", explained the first Muslim Arab. "For you see, it is permanently stuck in my butt forever." "I do not understand," said the other Muslim. The first Muslim Arab says, "I was walking along the beach and I tripped over an old oil lamp. There was a big puff of smoke, and then a huge old man wearing a American Flag suit of clothes with a white beard and top hat came popping out. He said, 'I am Uncle Sam, the Genie. I can grant you one wish.'" So I mumbled, "No shit?"
The Dirty Muslim Whore: A woman found out that her husband was cheating on her a few months ago while stationed in Saudi Arabia with some filthy little Muslim Whore. So she sends him this care package. He is excited to get a package from his wife back home. He finds that it contains a batch of home made cookies and a VHS tape of his favorite TV shows. He invites a couple of his buddies over and they're all sitting around having a great time eating the cookies and watching some episodes of South Park. Right in the middle of one episode the tape cuts to a home video of his wife on her knees sucking his best friend's huge throbbing cock. After a few seconds, he blows his load in her pie mouth and she turns and spits the load right into the mixing bowl of cookie dough. She then looks at the camera and says, "By the way, I want a divorce, but you can keep the Muslim whore."
Visiting Arab Diplomat: An Arab diplomat visiting the US for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir was unused to the salt in American foods (French fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies, etc.) and was constantly sending his manservant, Abdul, to fetch him a glass of water. Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water, but then came the time when he returned empty-handed. "Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water?" demanded the Grand Emir. "A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One," stammered the wretched Abdul, "but a man is sitting on the well."
Why God Made Muslims: Another Great One By Your Friend: JACK
Muslims are like a wine. They start out as young grapes, and it's up to the U.S. Marines to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to live with in the world. Now, doesn't that just touch your heart and make you feel better?
9 comments:
Muslim Talk:
Another Original By: JACK
Three Muslims in the USA are sitting around talking:
Mohammed: I’m bored lets go blow up a bus full of Jews.
Abdullah: Mohammed are you crazy, we’re in America now.
Anwar: How about we crucify a Christian.
Abdullah: Anwar are you crazy, we’re in America now.
Mohammed: Ok then Abdullah what should we do?
Abdullah: Lets go downtown and chase the pigeons.
Anwar: And, he says we’re crazy.
Racial Profiling:
To ensure we Americans never offend anyone -- particularly fanatics intent on killing us -- airport screeners are not allowed to profile people. They will, however, continue to perform random searches of 80-year-old women, little kids,
airline pilots with proper identification, Secret Service agents who are members of the President's security detail, and 85-year old Congressmen with metal hips.
Let's pause a moment and take the following test...
In 1972, 11 Israeli athletes were killed at the Munich
Olympics by:
(a) Grandma Moses;
(b) The night cleaning crew at Rockefeller Center;
(c) Invaders from Mars; or
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.
In 1979, the U.S. embassy in Iran was taken over by:
(a) Norwegians from the Lichen Herbarium of the University of Oslo;
(b) Elvis;
(c) A tour bus full of 80-year-old women; or
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.
In 1983, the U.S. Marine barracks in Beirut was blown up by:
(a) A pizza delivery boy;
(b) Crazed feminists complaining that having to throw a grenade beyond its own burst radius in basic training was an unfair and sexist job requirement;
(c) Geraldo Rivera making up for a slow news day; or
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.
In 1988, Pan Am Flight 103 was bombed by:
(a) Luca Brazzi, for not being given a part in "Godfather 2";
(b) The Tooth Fairy;
(c) Butch and Sundance, who had a few sticks of dynamite left over from their train mission; or,
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.
In 1993, the World Trade Center was bombed by:
(a) The entire cast of "Cats";
(b) Martha Stewart;
(c) Cheese-crazed tourists from Wisconsin; or
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.
In 1998, the U.S. embassies in Kenya and Tanzania were bombed by:
(a) Mr. Rogers;
(b) Hillary, to distract attention from Wild Bill's women problems;
(c) The World Wrestling Federation to promote its next villain: "Mustapha the Merciless"; or
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.
On 9/11/01, four airliners were hijacked and destroyed by:
(a) Bugs Bunny, Wil E. Coyote, Daffy Duck, and Elmer Fudd.
(b) The US Supreme Court,
(c) Barney; or
(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.
Hmmm...nope, ain't no patterns here. Darned if I know why we should ever even think about profiling.
Rude Bus Driver:
A Muslim Woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver looked at the child and blurted out, "That’s the ugliest baby I've ever seen!"
Infuriated, the Muslim Woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.
"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.
The man sympathized and said, "Why, he shouldn't say things to insult passengers. He could be fired for that."
"You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind!"
"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."
Terrorist:
Another Original By: JACK
Q: How can you tell the difference between a woman U.S. Marine with PMS and a Terrorist?
A: Terrorists can be negotiated with.
THE CORK:
As Amended By: The Famous 1, JACK
Two Muslim Arab Terrorists are in a locker room taking a shower after their bomb making class, when one happens to notice the other man has a huge cork stuck up his ass.
"If you do not mind me saying," said the second Muslim, "that their cork looks very uncomfortable. Why don’t you take it out?"
"I regret I cannot remove it", explained the first Muslim Arab. "For you see, it is permanently stuck in my butt forever."
"I do not understand," said the other Muslim.
The first Muslim Arab says, "I was walking along the beach and I tripped over an old oil lamp. There was a big puff of smoke, and then a huge old man wearing a American Flag suit of clothes with a white beard and top hat came popping out.
He said, 'I am Uncle Sam, the Genie. I can grant you one wish.'"
So I mumbled, "No shit?"
God Bless America
The Dirty Muslim Whore:
A woman found out that her husband was cheating on her a few months ago while stationed in Saudi Arabia with some filthy little Muslim Whore.
So she sends him this care package.
He is excited to get a package from his wife back home.
He finds that it contains a batch of home made cookies and a VHS tape of his favorite TV shows.
He invites a couple of his buddies over and they're all sitting around having a great time eating the cookies and watching some episodes of South Park.
Right in the middle of one episode the tape cuts to a home video of his wife on her knees sucking his best friend's huge throbbing cock.
After a few seconds, he blows his load in her pie mouth and she turns and spits the load right into the mixing bowl of cookie dough.
She then looks at the camera and says, "By the way, I want a divorce, but you can keep the Muslim whore."
The Long Awaited Question:
Q. How do you tell when a Muslim male reaches puberty?
A. He takes the diaper off his ass and puts it on his head!
Visiting Arab Diplomat:
An Arab diplomat visiting the US for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department.
The Grand Emir was unused to the salt in American foods (French fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies, etc.) and was constantly sending his manservant, Abdul, to fetch him a glass of water.
Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water, but then came the time when he returned empty-handed.
"Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water?" demanded the Grand Emir.
"A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One," stammered the wretched Abdul, "but a man is sitting on the well."
Why God Made Muslims:
Another Great One By Your Friend: JACK
Muslims are like a wine.
They start out as young grapes, and it's up to the U.S. Marines to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to live with in the world.
Now, doesn't that just touch your heart and make you feel better?
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