Friday, June 29, 2007

Jack's Muslim Jokes Part 1

10 comments:

Jack's Jokes said...

Bill Clinton on Muslims:

Federal Aviation Agency
800 Independence Avenue S.W.
Washington D.C. 20591

Dear Sirs:

I have the solution for the prevention of ijackings, and at the same time getting our airline industry back on its feet.

Since men of the Muslim religion are not allowed to look at naked women we should replace all of our female flight attendants with strippers who have huge juggs, camel toe pussies, long legs, and tight asses.

Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing a naked woman, and of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again in hope of seeing a naked woman.

We would have no more hijackings, and the airline industry would have record sales.

Now why didn't Congress think of this?

Sincerely,
William (Bill) Jefferson Clinton

P.S. – Don’t tell Hillary about this letter
As added to by: JACK SHILES

Jack's Muslim Jokes said...

Cowboys v Muslims:
Three strangers at the Great Falls airport are awaiting their flights.
One is a Native American on his way to Helena for a statewide Indian Pow-Wow.

Another a ranch hand on his way to Billings Montana for a stock show.

The third passenger is a fundamentalist Arab student, newly arrived, and on his way to study engineering at Montana Tech.

To pass the time they strike up a conversation on recent events, and the discussion drifts to their diverse cultures.

Soon the westerners learn that the Arab is a devout radical Muslim, and believes his people are justified in their 'holy' war.

The conversation falls into an uneasy lull. The cowpoke leans back in his chair, crosses his boots on a magazine table and tips his big sweat-stained hat forward over his face.

The wind outside blows and blows and the old windsock flaps but no plane comes.

Finally, the Native American clears his throat and softly he speaks:" Once, my people were many, now we are few."

The radical Muslim raises an eyebrow and leans forward, "Once my people were few," he sneers, "and now we are many. Why do you suppose that is?"

The Cowboy shifts the toothpick to one side of his mouth and from the darkness beneath his Stetson Cowboy Hat says, "That's 'cause we ain't played Cowboys and Muslims yet boy."

Another of Jack's Muslim Joke said...

FAA PROFILING:

FEDERAL AVIATION ADMINISTRATION TRANSPORTATION SECURITY SCREENER ATTITUDE ASSESSMENT …
To insure we Americans never offend anyone, particularly fanatics intent on killing us, airport screeners will not be allowed to profile people. They will continue random searches of 80-year-old women, little kids, airline pilots with proper identification, Secret Service agents who are members of the President's security detail, 85-year old Congressmen with metal hips, and Medal of Honor winning former state Governors.
In accordance with this policy, Transportation Security Screener applicants are being asked to take the following test, which will ensure that employees do not harbor hidden biases that could lead to unfortunate assumptions:

--- In 1972 at the Munich Olympics, Israeli athletes were kidnapped and massacred by:
a. Olga Corbutt
b. Sitting Bull
c. Arnold Schwartzeneger
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

--- In 1979, the U.S. embassy in Iran was taken over by:
a. Lost Norwegians
b. Elvis
c. A tour bus full of 80-year-old women
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

--- During the 1980's a number of Americans were kidnapped in Lebanon by:
a. John Dillinger
b. The King of Sweden
c. The Boy Scouts
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

--- In 1983, the U.S. Marine barracks in Beirut was blown up by:
a. A pizza delivery boy
b. Pee Wee Herman
c. Geraldo Rivera making up for a slow news day
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.

--- In 1985 the cruise ship Achille Lauro was hijacked and a 70 year old American passenger was murdered in his wheelchair and thrown overboard by:
a. The Smurfs
b. Davy Jones
c. The Little Mermaid
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.

--- In 1985 TWA flight 847 was hijacked at Athens, and a U.S. Navy diver was murdered by:
a. Captain Kid
b. Charles Lindberg
c. Mother Teresa
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

--- In 1988, Pan Am Flight 103 was bombed by:
a. Scooby Doo
b. The Tooth Fairy
c. Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

--- In 1993 the World Trade Center was bombed the first time by:
a. Richard Simmons
b. Grandma Moses
c. Michael Jordan
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

--- In 1998, the U.S. embassies in Kenya and Tanzania were bombed by:
a. Mr. Rogers
b. Hillary Clinton
c. The World Wrestling Federation
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

--- On 9/11/2001, four airliners were hijacked and destroyed and thousands of people were murdered by:
a. Bugs Bunny, Wile E. Coyote, Daffy Duck, Elmer Fudd
b. Florida's Governor Jeb Bush
c. Mr. Bean
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

--- In 2002 the United States fought a war in Afghanistan against:
a. Enron
b. The Lutheran Church
c. The NFL
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

--- In 2002 four French journalists, including one woman, were dragged from their cars near the Pakistan border with Afghanistan, taken behind some rocks, and shot to death by:
a. Gang Green's front four
b. Barney
c. The Smashing Pumpkins
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

--- In 2002 reporter Daniel Pearl was kidnapped and murdered by:
a. Bonny and Clyde
b. Captain Kangaroo
c. Billy Graham
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40

--- American Airlines Flight 63 from Paris to Miami on December 22, 2001 had a passenger with a ‘Shoe Bomb’ who tried to blow up the plane but was over powered and captured by passengers was:
a. A distraught Al Gore gone radical 1960’s hippie mental
b. Monica Lewinsky who said she was tired of hearing Bill play the Saxophone
c. Donald Rumsfeld
d. Richard Colvan Reid a.k.a. Tariq Rajah a.k.a. Abdel Rahim, a typical useless low life cowardly radical Muslim asshole caught and convicted of this crime

--- In May 2004 American Businessman Nicholas Evan Berg was captured in Iraq and beheaded by:
a. The French Foreign Legion using a guillotine under direct orders from President Jacques Chirac
b. A wild band of crazy Japanese Samurai Warriors
c. A Philippine Truck Driver who rig ran out of control
d. Committed by Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, the leader of an Islamist (Muslim) terrorist group which is part of al-Qaida operating inside Iraq

Now, please review your answers according to the following key:
‘D’ – as in all answers are ‘D’

If you answered any of the questions incorrectly, please go to the following link and immediately apply for an airport screening position with TSA at: http://www.tsa.dot.gov/

As added to and Adjusted By: JACK

Jacks Muslim Jokes said...

Four Muslim Boys and the Camel:
So there were these four brothers riding a camel.
One was on the neck, the other on the front part of the hump the next behind the hump and the last hanging off the rump of the camel.
The brother near the head of the camel noticed that the animal was crying and he said to this brother behind him, brother the camel is crying, the brother in front of the hump told the brother behind the hump, the camel is crying, the brother behind the hump told the brother hanging off the rump, the camel is crying and he said, “Well I don't give a Damn, because if I pull my penis out I will fall off.”

Jack said...

How Do U Compare:

(q) A Muslim with dog shit ?
(a) You wouldn’t step on dog shit.

Jack Has More Jokes said...

Iraqi Baseball:
Another Original By: JACK

Iraq has taken up America’s favorite past time, ‘Baseball.’
Iraqi children can be seen playing this great sport everywhere.
Now to our story …
Mohammed, a 9-year-old, knocks on Abdullah’s door.
His mother Fatima answers.
Mohammed says, “Can Abdullah come out and play baseball with us?”
His mother says, “You know Abdullah doesn’t have any arms or legs, he lost them in an Al Qaeda terrorist attack last year.”
Mohammed says, “Yes, I know, but we lost our second base and we thought we could use Abdullah’s body.”

Jack's Original Joke said...

It Smells Really Bad:
Another Original By: JACK
A U.S. Marine is walking past an Iraqi woman in Baghdad when he says,
"WOW Can I smell your CUNT?"
"Fuck off American, no you can't smell my cunt!" the Muslim woman yells back
at the Marine.
"Oh" the Marine replies, looking really confused, "it must be your feet then."

Jack's Original Jokes said...

Lets Try It:
Another Original By: JACK
Two Muslim Tribesman sitting around reading anti American propaganda,
when the first one says to the other, “Hey what you say we try Roasted Chocolate Marshmallows?”
The other Muslim says, “Ok, why not!”
So they roast up some Marshmallows on the open fire.
The second Muslim says to the first Muslim, “These things taste awful!
Where did you get these Marshmallows anyway?”
The first Muslim looks at him puzzled and says,
“From that pile of Camel Dung over there!
Where do the Americans get there’s from?”

More Originals by JACK said...

Muslim Sex Discussion:
Another Original By: JACK

A group of Muslim Clerics were sitting around one day discussing how young girls are forced to have female circumcisions, which reduces their desire to have sex.
The First MUSLIM Cleric Says: Yeah all the girls I have just lie there and get pregnant.
The Second MUSLIM Cleric Says: But that’s our way, it prevents the girl from being active before marriage and loyal after marriage.
The First MUSLIM Cleric Says: I agree, I just wish my wives wouldn’t lie there and never move like some farm cows.
The Third MUSLIM Cleric Says: Oh, well I let the ‘Pig’ fuck her first, because it takes 30 minutes for the pig to finish an orgasm, then she’s warmed up and ready to go for me.
The Second MUSLIM Cleric Shocked Asks: A Pig that’s against our religion, are you crazy?
The Third MUSLIM Cleric Says: Nope, we just can’t eat ‘Pig’ and her pussy smells to awful for that anyway.

Jack's Jokes said...

Muslim Strip Club:

(Q): Do you know what Muslims yell at a strip club for men?
(A): Ok, girls get you faces out for the boys !!