Sunday, September 23, 2007

Jack's Muslim Jokes Part 5

10 comments:

Got Too Love Them Texans said...

God Bless Bubba:
A City Councilman from Midland, TX
This is a True Story …
October 2006

T. Bubba Bechtol, part time City Councilman from Midland, Texas, was asked on a local live radio talk show the other day just what he thought of the allegations of torture of the Iraqi prisoners. His reply prompted his ejection from the studio, but to thunderous applause from the audience.

"If hooking up an Iraqi prisoner's scrotum to a car's battery cables will save one American GI's life, then I have just two things to say":
1. "Red is positive"
2. "Black is negative"

I am Damn Funny said...

How To Irritate A MUSLIM:
Another Great One By: JACK

Here are some simple ways to irritate a Muslim or should I say Moslem:

(1) KILL his Camel, Goat, or Donkey then he is forced to have SEX with that ugly bitch he calls his wife.

(2) Show him a picture of a Baboons Ass, and remind him another Muslim Terrorist has just been reincarnated.

(3) Train your Great Dane (dog) to crap on his prayer rug.

(4) Rip that ugly turbine towel rag off his head and wipe your ass with it.

(5) And, My personal favorite is open a Pork BBQ Stand in front of a Mosque with a Flag of Israel attached to the vendor cart, and a neon flashing sign that reads, ISLAM SUCKS and So Do You.

Jack's Philosophy said...

I Hate Muslims:
Another Great Original From: JACK

It is wrong to hate.
It is wrong to hate anything or anyone, even if they hate you.
So If you hate Muslims and you are:

(1) A ‘Catholic’ go church and say 3 Hail Mary’s.
(2) A ‘Jew’ go to the temple and light a candle.
(3) A ‘Buddhist’ go to the temple and light some incense.
(4) A staunch ‘Southern Baptist’ and member of the KKK, burn a cross on a black man’s front yard.
(5) A Moron go to the tabernacle and sing 2 hymns.
(6) A ‘Texas Reformed Sinner; go to a Dallas Cowboys Football game, have some BBQ, a few beers, cheer for the home team, and stair at the cheerleaders hooters.
(7) A ‘Shinto Practitioner’ go to the temple and burn real money.
(8) A ‘Sikh’ join the army and invade Pakistan.
(9) A ‘Hindu’ by and idol and put it in your home.
(10) A ‘Taoism Practitioner’ write a book on world philosophy.
(11) A ‘Voodoo Practitioner’ kill two chickens, eat one, use the second one to spread the blood on the door of a Muslim’s home.
(12) A ‘Protestant’ go to church on Sunday, come home and watch the football game.
(13) A ‘Greek Orthodox’ go to church and stair for an hour.
(14) A ‘Baptist’ get baptized and hold a food drive for the hungry.
(15) An ‘Episcopalian’ burn your picture of Queen Elizabeth.
(16) A member of the ‘Church of Scientology’ dissect a frog.
(17) An ‘Atheist’ call the ACLU and get a class action lawsuit against God.
(18) A ‘Muslim’ of a different sect, fuck a Baboon and leave the Goats to others.

Experience Tells Us said...

Instructions On How To Fuck A Muslim Woman:

More Great Funnies from: JACK

Step 1: Put on a Gas Mask.
Step 2: Get some Goat Piss or Camel Dung.
Step 3: Bend that Muslim Bitch over.
Step 4: Wipe the smelly goo around, but not in her hole. She will just think it’s her dumb ass Muslim husband.
Step 5: Put on two condoms.
Step 6: Shove a dirty turbine in her mouth.
Step 7: Check, make sure the Gas Mask is on tight.
Step 8: Fuck the bitch like a dog in heat.
Step 9: When done, remove rag from her mouth.
Step 10: Remove your condoms.
Step 11: Make her suck your cum out of the condoms.
Step 12: Wait till you’re at least 100 feet away before removing Gas Mask.
Step 13: Shower continuously for at least one hour, use scrub brush and a disinfectant soap.

Laws of the Land said...

Knowing Your Status:
As Modified and Adjusted by: JACK

Socialism:
You have two cows.
You keep one and give one to your neighbor.

Communism:
You have two cows.
The government takes them both and provides you with milk.

Fascism:
You have two cows.
The government takes them and sells you the milk.

Bureaucracy:
You have two cows.
The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours it down the drain.

Capitalism:
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.

Corporate:
You have two cows.
You sell one, force the other to produce the milk of four cows and then act surprised when it drops dead.

Democracy:
You have two cows.
The government taxes you to the point that you must sell them both in order to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow which was a gift from your government

Military Dictatorship:
You have NO cows.
The Government says you do and are hide them.
The government shoots you.

Islam (Muslims) a.k.a. Sharia Law:
You have two cows.
You slaughter the cows and eat them.
Condemn the Jew who raised them.
Make War on your neighbors between meals and blame it on America.
Fucked a Goat and tell your under age 4th wife to watch how it's done.

Jack is L.o.L. said...

Malaysian Muslim Pains:

(Q) What happens to a Muslim BUMI Malay Man who runs into a wall and has a full erection?

(A) He breaks his nose.

Uh Oh said...

Taliban:

(Q) How Do Taliban Past the Time?

(A) They smell one another’s fingers.

Silly Poem from a Friend of Jack's said...

Twas the night before Ramadan:

Twas the night before Ramadan, and all through the cave Not a creature was stirring; it felt like a grave.
The turbans were hung by the fire pit with care,
In hopes that the Air Force would not soon be there.

The soldiers were restless without any beds,
While visions of air strikes flashed in their heads.
Osama in his Burkha and I in my goatskin cap,
Had just settled down for a cold, barren winter's nap,

When out on the ledge there arose such a clatter,
I grabbed my Kalashnikov to see what was the matter.
Away from the racket I ran like a girl,
Tripped over a goat; into a ball I did curl.

The moon shone down on the new-fallen snow,
And lit up the valley with an ominous glow,
When, what to my one good eye should appear,
But a dozen Apaches, and tanks in the rear.

And their leader, so fearless, his troops he did push,
I knew in an instant it must be George Bush.
More rapid than eagles his forces they came,
And they whistled, and shouted, and called out our names;

"Now Omar! Osama! Muhammad! Abdul!
We come for you now; we've taken Kabul!
To the top of the cliffs! To the back of their caves!
When you chose this war, you dug your own graves!"

As the dry leaves that before the assault choppers fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, light up the sky.
So up to the ledge his forces they flew With full magazines, and flamethrowers too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard with a thud
The explosions of Tomahawks; not one was a dud.
As I chambered my rifle, and was turning around,
Osama was there, disguised in a gown.

He was dressed all in drag, from his head to his toes,
And he said he would flee while I held off his foes;
A bundle of money he had stuffed in his pack,
He said "I'm going to Baghdad and I'm not looking back!"

His eyes were all glassy; he trembled with fear;
The American bombs, they rang in his ears.
He saddled his goat, then turned tail and fled,
But a Marine Corps sniper got him in the head.

I watched with cold fear as his body did slump;
The goat threw him off; he fell with a thump.
And so, there I stood, my plans all destroyed,
About to suffer a fate I could not avoid;

I dropped to my knees; asked Allah for help,
His voice boomed in my ears, "You ignorant whelp!
I gave you the Bible, all you had to do ws read it,
But you were too arrogant to understand,

I told you to honor your neighbors and wives;
Not to enslave them, or degrade their lives!
You invoke My name to sanction your deeds,
But you are the last thing that this world needs.

And so, I'll send you and bin Laden to Hell."
The last words I heard, as the bombs fell,
Were from George Bush himself as he mounted the wall,
"One nation, under God, with liberty and justice for all!"

The UN Sucks said...

Islam in Perspective:
What happens when a fly falls into a coffee cup?

The Englishman - leaves the cup and walks away.

The American - takes the fly out, and drinks the coffee.

The Chinese - eats the fly and throws away the coffee.

The Japanese - drinks the coffee with the fly, since it was extra with no charge.

The Israeli - sells the coffee to the American, the fly to the Chinese, and buys himself a new cup of coffee.

The Palestinian - blames the Israeli for the violent act of putting the fly in his coffee, asks the UN for aid, takes a loan from the European Union to buy a new cup of coffee, uses the money to purchase explosives and then blows up the coffee house where the Englishman, the American, the Chinese, and the Japanese were all trying to explain to the Israeli that he was too aggressive.

Hate Is Good said...

Sandbox:

First-grade class in Brooklyn comes in from recess. The teacher asks Sarah: "What did you do at recess?"
Sarah says, "I played in the sand box."

Teacher says, "That's good. Go to the blackboard, and if you can write 'sand' correctly, I'll give you a fresh-baked cookie."
She does and gets a cookie.

Teacher asks Morris what he did at recess.
Morris says, "I played with Sarah in the sand box."

Teacher says, "Good. If you write 'box' correctly on the blackboard, I'll give you a fresh baked cookie."
Morris does, and gets a cookie.

The teacher then asks Mustaffa Abdul Machmoud what he did at recess.
He says, "I tried to play with Sarah and Morris, but they threw rocks at me."

The teacher says, "They threw rocks at you? That sounds like blatant racial discrimination. If you can go the blackboard and write 'blatant racial discrimination' I'll give you a cookie."